Back in the Saddle

After a whirlwind 30 hours away in Greenwich, Connecticut for one of my favorite human’s 44th birthday party (which was supposed to be a surprise but wasn’t), I am writing in my happy place (my she-den aka sunroom) with nag champa incense burning, a Mayflower Brewing Company IPA in reach, and a Covid test coming back solidly negative. Covid tests are funny things and really slam me back to the pregnancy scare/pregnancy hope days of yesteryear. I can’t begin to tell you what a relief it has been over the years to see just one line not two. I kind of like that I get to carry that sense of relief forward for the foreseeable future.

I remember a time when the prospect of a big party was a faint light at the end of this murky pandemic tunnel. Many were relieved by not having soires to attend as they never really liked them anyways. I, myself, took time during the pandemic to reflect on whether or not I’m one who enjoys large festive occasions. On the one hand, I missed big messy parties with people’s fingers and germs all over charcuterie boards and the like. On the other hand, there was far less cleanup during lockdown and I never had to make small talk unless I actively wanted to. The anxiety of wondering who you would talk to in a crowded room never came up and you didn’t have to shave your legs or armpits unless you felt the need. Heck, you didn’t even have to brush your teeth which I assume is now a dental goldmine in this country. Had I been smart, I would have bought stock in dental dams. I, for one, know I must need a root canal at this point.

After going to this perfectly extra party at which I got to see several favorite humans, I had a blast. Well, a blast until I hit a wall. What do I mean by wall? Well, it looks like this. I eat and imbibe and when I no longer feel like I can carry on a semi-intelligent conversation, I hit what I call “the wall”. This is not something that really happened to me pre-pandemic but it absolutely happens to me now. I can see the wall approaching and try as I may to not crash into it, I know it will come. What I have learned after the first few big events I’ve attended is to first acknowledge the wall, then lean on it, and finally give in to its presence. As a child of someone known as “Midnight Mary”, I have struggled with the fact that this makes me a “wimp” in Mom’s eyes. She may be right, I may be a wimp. But this wimp gets her party on and gets a more than fabulous night of sleep. If that makes me a “wimp”, so be it. Turns out that I absolutely have the ability to handle big and small parties but only if my wall can come with me as a secondary date. Luckily, Thomas also hits walls so we are very much on the same page and roll quite nicely together.

As our group of college friends recounted stories of our past and told the truths of our present at breakfast this morning, we didn’t have nearly enough time to cover all bases. What we did cover, however, was that there is something about who we all are and where we come from that brought us together back in the day and made us all love one another forever. One friend grew up with two gay parents, another with a Mom who is as much a force of nature as mine, and a couple (like me) who know what it’s like to come from the sticks. We all solidly reject Catholicism even though we attended College of the Holy Cross and despite the fact that we have all had difficulties that have brought us to our knees. At the end of our childhood, we were forced to find one another among strangers. Kerri, when I first met your blond little self freshman year, I never thought, in a million years, that we would ever be friends. Yet, here we are and I still love you more than Lucky Charms. We naturally found our tribe and my only hope for our children and theirs is that they are as lucky as we have been.

Yes, it turns out that I am quite capable of both throwing and attending parties. I am even capable of donning a dress. Although these big events come with more anxiety than before the pandemic, even my semi-introverted self is overjoyed that they are back. This vacation week has been a full one for me, complete with a trip to the White Mountains with best friends, a birthday party for my daughter with a group of hyped up kids and a bouncy, a perfectly extra party for Kerri, and an even more perfect breakfast to follow up. This was remarkably different than last April break and although I know that Covid is still quite real, it feels just so much more tolerable now. I hope you all out there feel the relief that I do and have allowed joy back into your life however that looks like to you. Joy is what it is all about and, if you’re anything like me, you will seek and find it no matter what it takes. We’re back in the saddle, baby. Giddy up.

Happiest of birthdays to you, Kerri and thank you, Justin, for knowing exactly what we all needed right now. Love to you all❤️