Homerun

“People say time moves a little slower here.” said the woman working at the kayak and paddle board rental place. If you love to eat, drink, sit, walk, paddle, and stare into space, Harpswell, Maine is the perfect place to do just that in a slowed down way. No day here flew by and I think that’s exactly how I always want to vacation from now on. No real agenda but to marinate in destinations, taking it all in. With salt water and evergreen trees, Maine is the place where my two favorite things in the world kiss one another on rocky shores. The fact that I got to do this one with the one I love is pure gold.

The Airbnb that we stayed in was not perfect but clean and tastefully decorated. The loft bedroom proved to be a challenge; getting up to pee in the middle of the night was like permoming a dare. Even I, being 5 feet tall, felt a little snug in a tiny elevated bedroom; it reminded me of being a kid in New Hampshire at my Auntie Dottie and Uncle Larry’s house. Back then, there was nothing cooler than a bed in a loft. Now, I think I prefer my beds without a significant climb to get into them. I could barely sleep that first night and I thought I was in for a sleepless week. But, as the salt air slipped into my nostrils and down into my lungs, I felt a new brand of calm that I could definitely get used to. We swam off the southernmost tip of Bailey Island that first sunny morning and we were both at peace. “On a scale of 1-10 of being relaxed, I’m at about 11.” Thomas said. I agreed, I have not been this relaxed on vacation in a very long time. The loft bed was just fine by the second night and my fear of a fitful week of sleep turned into a full embrace of rest, much needed rest.

Vacation this time around was a perfect detour from the daily grind. Each “normal”/non-vacation day, life throws at me about 106 different decisions I need to make such as how to manage a sibling fight, how to entertain my kids and be productive, what to make for dinner that Dad will want to swallow (“You don’t like tonight’s dinner, do you Dad? No, I don’t”), and how to please 6 different personalities. Though we all laugh at the predictable and unpredictable twists and turns of each day, Mom and I are both drained by 7:30 each night and I crave quiet and solitude. I used to feel bad about needing that alone time, now I just think of myself as a cell phone out of juice. Replugging means sitting and resting by a fire or listening to rain until I’m at about 50%. Thomas was struck by how easygoing I am as a travel companion. He even wondered, aloud, if I’m really as agreeable as I seem. I thought about this over the past few days and although I could see where he was coming from, I came to the conclusion that I am, in fact, agreeable—particularly in his calming presence. There were about 100 less decisions for me to make on the shores of Casco Bay and that allowed me to unclench my jaw and just let life flow. We both like to be active and in nature but certainly don’t push it, ocean and trees are two of our favorite things, and we both love local seafood with a side of craft beer. We swam, paddle boarded, walked, ate, drank, listened to music, and then ate and drank again. Laughing has been something we do quite well, he drops some great one-liners when you least expect them. When my friends asked if we met online, he said “yes.” and filled in the blank with the most inappropriate site. What’s not to love and agree to?

The one thing that was a little strange for me this past week was the amount of vivid dreams I had. I woke up screaming on a few occasions — one time I was yelling at someone who had a BB gun pointed at my dog and another night there was something about isosceles triangles. The dreams have continued since I came home and last night I dreamed that I wrote a great piece about baseball of all things, complete with the playing of the absolute worst game of women’s baseball league in history where each base and pitcher’s mound had a dog you could pat. “Why the hell did I dream about baseball?” I asked myself over coffee this morning. “What was so poignant about my dream piece?” I don’t even like baseball except for the food and the greenness of the field. I like the movie Field of Dreams but only because it’s about a journey to better know oneself, one’s purpose, and how to support someone crazy enough to go on such a journey. I have pondered all morning on this topic and am relieved to finally take a swing at it.

When we were away, Thomas told me about how his Dad used to say that going on vacation allowed you to develop a new appreciation for why you live your life the way you do and gives everything a fresh shine. “Life brings you to unexpected places; love always brings you home.” was the little wall plaque that Mom sent me when I was on Kauai. She with cancer, I with things crumbling around me. I cried when I unwrapped it and now it sits on the wall to the right of my bed and left of my favorite window. Here in my childhood home, I live with and love this quirky family. Maybe what Kevin Costner tried to tell us in his oh-so-monotone way in Field of Dreams was that from first to third, we journey on all while calculating risk and reward. With any luck, the rewards outweigh the risks. With even more good fortune, we all get to call something “home” and, in doing so, win one for the team. Figuring out what “home” means to me has been key to my personal fulfillment of a purposeful life and its definition continues to evolve ever so beautifully.

This weekend, after spending a time-slowing and magical week, we have celebrated Isaac turning 12 and all the splendor and glory that comes with that through Soda Streams, Bass Pro Shops, Starland, and Carvel cake. When the day was done, Isaac felt sad as always seems to be the case for him on his birthday. I counseled him through that and soon he came up to me asking about the next thing we have to look forward to. He wants a new mattress, wants to know what new things we’ll be getting for the basement, and also wants to go to New Hampshire preferably on a day that is raining. I got him a card that said “Son, you’re 93% Awesome” on the outside “And 7% pain in the ass” on the inside along with a donkey that pops out. “You’re not wrong” he said when he read it. That’s ok, Isaac. You’re the one who makes this home expand and contract like the beat of a heart and for that we are all grateful, especially Grampy who thinks you are his personal comedian and entertainment. Thomas’ Dad was right, vacation really does make you appreciate life as you choose to live it no matter how crazy it may be. Home is where the heart is and this little heart of mine, behind this mishmosh of words about vacation and baseball, is full and wide open to all that life will continue to bring.

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