Hot Fun in the Summertime

What do camping, teen driving, Dunkin’ Donuts, Maine, a ring, house hunting, and a big family beach trip all have in common? I’ll tell you and it’s not going to be all that simple. Forgive me if I digress, there is much to pack in just a few paragraphs.

Just after we threw our fourth of July bash during what we now refer to as Mom’s Landline Dependence Day, my little family went on an LL Bean Wicked Easy Camping adventure in Freeport, Maine. During this trip we discovered that we are NOT a camping family but like to fancy ourselves as such or, at the very least, I do. Camping, even when organized by LL Bean itself, is not easy but I would describe it as wicked for your shoulders and back, particularly if you are a woman with osteoarthritic perimenopausal joints. I don’t even know if that is an actual medical term, I may have just made it up. But if it exists, camping has proven that I have it. Night number one, instead of cooking on the propane stove as provided, my family dined at the nearby Tuscan Tavern instead. I had a margarita, my kids all got Shirley temples with extra cherries. Need I say more? Camping itch has been scratched. AirBnbs from now on. Moving on.

In Maine, we worked on J.D.’s driving skills and even practiced highway driving for the first time during which everyone in the car aged at least 10 years. No, he doesn’t have his license yet, we’re working on it, we’re late bloomers. Full plate here. One of the things I learned over these training hours is that the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru is not as easy as one would think. We were approximately one mile from the speaker on J.D.’s first attempt, requiring us to yell our order quite loudly. All this to end with the spilling of a strawberry dragon fruit refresher all over the back of my car because driver’s seat to back relay has not yet been mastered. Lordy. This has led me to reach out to Dunkin’ Donuts with my very own idea for their next Dunkings super bowl ad in which Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck, Matt Damon, and maybe John Hamm teach the Dunkin’ Driving Academy to real, recently permitted teen drivers. The DDA’s sole focus will be on how to get in and out of a Dunk’s parking lot and drive thru and successfully pay for and distribute orders in your car. Genius idea? Yes, I do write Saturday Night Live sketches in my head just about everyday for fun.

After we came back from Maine and I took the longest shower since I did Outward Bound (also in Maine) back in 1994, I prepared for my next adventure…to Maine. I know what you’re thinking. Do I drive a Subaru? No, I drive a Honda. I thought about getting a Subaru once upon a time but that was a fleeting moment when I wanted to scorch the earth with my anger. I moved on from that. I feel better now. I love Maine because it is my soul’s representation in both land and sea. The watermelonesque smell of its waters, rocky shores, and towering pines imprinted on me back in 1994 and have called to me ever since like a siren’s song. Thomas and I have gone to Harpswell for the last four summers. It is, in my opinion, the most intimately significant area of this country and I will stand by that statement to my grave. I have a better way of describing it but it is for other company and too crass to share here. I have some class, I do.

Night one, Thomas and I went to Portland and landed at the world’s best karaoke bar. The convivial and supportive spirit of this place was off the charts. I was shocked to learn the songs that the young ones all know these days which included “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood, “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers, and “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” by Panic at the Disco. Gone are the days of drunkenly singing along to Piano Man. I like this new wave, we had so much fun.

Day two, we made our way to Harpswell and settled in to our rental within minutes. The sun was setting, cormorants were diving, and the waves of Casco Bay were gleaming. “I have a question to ask you.” Thomas said as we sat side by side on the Adirondack chairs. I looked over and he was on one knee, holding a little brown box. “Would you marry me?” he asked. “Yes. A thousand times, yes.” I think was what I said. A gorgeous ring was inside and on it slipped…to my pinky. I kept that ring on my pinky ALL. WEEK. LONG. I joked that I would start a new trend but decided to have it sized the day we got back instead. It’s a gorgeous ring and, more importantly, an impeccable pairing of two uniquely suited humans. He has been a rock in my life and, I imagine, I have been one in his too. I don’t like to use the word “blessed” but, at times, it is the best to summarize something that feels just right and infinitely good. I am beyond happy we found one another, two youngest siblings of big wonderful families. I knew on our first date, he says I kept giving him strange looks and he thought I wasn’t so sure. Turns out I was quite sure. I know good eggs when I find them and this is one of the best eggs I have ever met.

Our kids know now and have processed the news as beautifully as we could have hoped. This journey has not been easy on them and we do not take that lightly. We have been together for four years now and have built our blended relationship slowly and methodically. There have been challenges. Lordy, yes. There have been. But, all in all, this has been an experience that has only grown my definition of love and family. My ex is happy for us, we are happy for him as his life also moves on. We support one another, we support the kids most importantly. Do our kids feel all the love? I certainly hope so. We give it in so many ways. Is it conventional? No. What the hell is conventional anymore?

Now we begin our search for where, then, shall we all live. That process is slow and the market sucks. “The answer will come to peace.” my therapist has often told me in times of great uncertainty. I often tell myself that. Finding peace, however, is not exactly easy in the midst of the chaos that surrounds me. At any rate, we look and hunt, hunt and look. It will all work out. “One step at a time” as Mom always says. One step at a time.

Speaking of steps, this coming Saturday Thomas and I rented a beach house in Mattapoisett where my family has gone since the August of 1983. When Dad got sick a few years ago, we had to put going to Mattapoisett on hiatus. Beach houses are not conducive to elders and we encountered too many challenges to make it work. But, on one fateful day, we found one little listing on VRBO which seemed perfect to attempt this one more time. Mom and sister Barb are joining the kids, Thomas and I in this home that apparently “sleeps 12”. There we will be joined by others in Mom’s family who have also rented/owned there since 1983. A family party is planned for Pease’s Point, the very location where everything began even longer ago than 1983. The history of our love of this location is long and complicated. Dad loved this place more than anywhere. Mattapoisett means “A place of rest” in Wampanoag, the name of Dad’s book.

Mom is anxious for this trip as she will need to come complete with oxygen compressor and tanks. I keep saying “have oxygen, will travel” in an attempt to quell the fears. She’s excited and loved going to Mattapoisett as much as Dad. Maybe it’s his absence that is adding to the sting. Maybe it’s her age. Maybe it’s just everything. But, as I said, none of us are getting any younger so we may as well attempt this sooner rather than later. Why not? Much like my feelings about conventional family, there is no such thing as a “perfect” family vacation. Will there be shenanigans? You bet. Do I reserve the right to write about almost all of them? Damn straight.

There. I told you I would explain what camping, teen driving, Dunkin’ Donuts, Maine, a ring, house hunting, and a big family beach trip all have in common. There you have it. We don’t know when, where, how, or who details of getting married yet but we’re working on it. We’re happy and are just going to revel in that with friends and family for the rest of the summer and that’s OK by me. As long as we have beer, oysters, family, friends, and laughter we’ll be just fine. In the meantime, look forward to my next issue. You know it’s going to be good.