Offer it Up

Over the last week and through a number of hiccups that have come across our desk, there has been no shortage of entertainment. “I’m not going to any protest and I’m not going waving any flag. I’m going to sit right here and let the donkeys do what donkeys do. Is that what the republicans are? Donkeys??” Mom said after I suggested she protest Trump’s presidency. “No. The republicans are elephants but I don’t think that changes your statement.” I told her. She is NOT happy about his election and believes that he’s an idiot. I also am not happy about his election but believe that he’s smart. “Crazy like a fox” I told her once. Nevertheless, the inauguration has been on all day today. There is no escaping the news here with Mom, “you have to know what’s going on” she tells me “you can’t just shove your head in the sand.” On one hand, I agree. On the other hand, I clench my teeth when I sleep and have a sore neck as a result. Maybe shoving my head in the sand will help my neck pain.

Tomorrow and the next 100 days will be bumpy for those of us who care about how humans are treated in this country. This is going to be bad for a lot of people, people that play a huge role in the fabric that holds up my life. I don’t like that. In fact, I despise it. Large scale immigration raids planned for tomorrow. I saw scared, sad faces this week. Children. Worried. I can’t ignore that but I cannot tell you what to care about. That’s a hard thing for all of us to wrap our brains around.

This is the heaviness I bring into this week alongside all the other stressors I deal with on a daily basis, the things that make me clench my teeth at night. I want to shed the heaviness and be light again but it’s not that easy. Shedding heaviness is a daily choice, a decision made each moment to hold that weight in both hands and figure out how to use it as fuel. Some moments, I’m able to do that. Other moments, I want to run away screaming. Every day is a mixture of all of that—a draining way to live, I admit.

For those of us who are approaching this next week and these next few years with a lot of anxiety, I will say this: I watched four men discuss Lamar Jackson’s missteps for a solid hour today with an unparalleled level of enthusiasm and analysis. I don’t care about football at all. I do care, however, about the fate of this country. What if we dedicated that same level of attention to the problems facing our nation. Why do we care more about Lamar Jackson than homelessness or poverty? I think it will take a very hot minute to figure out why that is. Until then, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing here. “Offer it up for the people in purgatory” Thomas said today, a saying his mother taught him. He explained it as meaning suffer in silence, tonight I realized that Mom has been saying this all my life too. “Offer it up, Jim” she’d say to my brother when he complained about who knows what. Maybe it’s not suffer in silence but a decision to make sacrifices worth making. Life, if we’re lucky, is full of sacrifices we make that keep things together and, with any luck, help change things for the better. I feel stressed, everyday. I also feel strangely energized by all that. I’m not sure why that is. Meg once told me that I thrive in chaos; I’m at my best when surrounded by shenanigans. Teeth clenched, I finish this piece as bagpipes fill the arena of Trump’s inauguration. While icicles drip against the backdrop of snow frosted oaks, I will use the heaviness of today to propel me forward into the great future unknown. I’ll beat on like a boat against the current, “offer it up, Steph” I can hear Mom say.