People Get Old

Every fall, I am slammed by life and by just how beautiful this season is. With Earth holding its bouquet as she enters into marriage with the winter, these deciduous trees seemingly know that life is best lived with as much celebratory exaltation as possible. They will be stripped soon; all memory of life will be kept deep within their trunks and roots. Until then, I will gasp when I see the yellow beeches and orange maples. When the oaks turn crimson I will know that passion for simplicity will return as we learn to love the offerings of a new season whatever it may bring.

Sounds lovely, right? Unfortunately, my life is not always as eloquent as all that. If I were to wear a GoPro on my head for just a day, you would see why. I am pulled in many directions and it is difficult to stay centered. The other day, for example, I replaced refrigerator bulbs, unclogged the toilet, bought cereal, made dinner, picked up a child from sports, did laundry, and surely got into a few tiffs with Maire. All of this after working a full day. It was a typical weekday but somehow it felt a little extra insane. By the time I sat for dinner, I was no longer hungry and couldn’t muster the energy to eat. As we sat and watched Dad fill his cheeks with food and not swallow, Mom and I tried to coach him along. His motor skills are getting worse and eating anything that he doesn’t like or that requires effort is nearly impossible. Soup is our best option right now but that is difficult when the rest of the table is having something entirely different. We have all learned that dementia is a thieving disease, slowly taking things that are never to be returned. My kids worry about this progression and have told me as much. Though I want to shield them, I know that this is a reality that they are fortunate to witness and be a part of.

In other news, I saw Brandi Carlile at TD Garden the other night. I am embarrassed to say that it has been a very long time since I have spent a night in the city. By the time we got upstairs to our nosebleed section seats, I wanted to curl up in the fetal position in the stairwell away from all the noise. Metal detectors and purse checking seemed excessive for this event as did the $18 beers. Nevertheless, we pushed through and thoroughly enjoyed the show although I do think that venue is not the right place for her voice and I don’t think I will be going to TD Garden for anything again unless they resurrect The Beatles. I’m far simpler than I ever thought I was and it’s possible that I wore out my ability to withstand craziness when I ended up fleeing a demonstration gone wrong during that attempted coup in Venezuela 2002. I was there to support my friends; I hadn’t the slightest idea what a coup was. When Meg heard about the events in the news, she knew immediately that I was at the march that led to it. “I bet Steph went to that.” she said. Governments don’t overthrow themselves, Meg. They just don’t.

Aside from all the sensory overload that happened in the Garden, to hear Brandi Carlile and the twins sing “The Eye” live was an experience I won’t soon forget. “You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you’re standing in the eye.” is a line that has always stuck with me due to the fact that I live in and am a bit of a hurricane myself. Chaos surrounds me everyday and I am far left of perfect and I’ll probably stay there for life. That being said, I always search for a calm spot to be in the midst of everything and often find it in one way or another. That reunion with peace allows me to see joy even in the toughest moments. I drove back and forth today in a misty rain to pick up my son at his girlfriend’s house. How I have gotten to this stage of life, I do not know. My therapist once told me I am the “sandwich generation”, existing between two stages of life. Other people would call that midlife but I do like food references so I’ll stick with sandwich. It is strange to be coaching a teen and helping elders at the same time. As I drove to pick my son up, I heard the song "People Get Old” by Lori McKenna. The young grow up too fast and the old reluctantly get older all while I get greyer everyday. I coexist with the two generations and find a middle ground, most days, and search for that eye of the storm to dance in. Meanwhile “houses need paint, winters bring snow.” as McKenna says. For our sake, let’s hope the snow stays away for a bit.