The Code

A mustard yellow dust has coated all surfaces here for the better part of two weeks, making us pray for rain to wash it away and give us some relief. Summer was birthed from the briefest of springs and we New Englanders are in shock. The dry coughs and goopy eyes abound, I sneeze before I get out of bed most mornings.

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Despite the short misery of pollen season, this is the time of year we love. Somehow, we muddle through the winter and await our reward. This is something I missed when living on Kaua’i. Paradise was exactly what it promised to be but something in me craved the death and resurrection of deciduous life when I lived there. The fact that we see so much green outside our windows now is miraculous. Wasn’t it just yesterday we lived in a gray wasteland? It almost feels like we’ve been gaslit by the earth into loving this constantly morphing place we call home.

This week was a busy one and not without downs for all the ups. If no one has told you yet, life is a rollercoaster so you best buckle up. I hadn’t seen Thomas in two weeks and we had a lot to catch up on when we got to this weekend. At lunch yesterday, we covered a lot of ground and figured out why we work so well together. Over a burger and lobster roll, we talked about the importance of having values and a code of conduct to live by. For Thomas, his code boils down to always have manners and treat people with the dignity they deserve and to also avoid the activities in life you don’t like. This means he will always treat you kindly but will never go to Walmart. He told me that this code has made decision making easy because it’s like a playbook to follow—I do this, I don’t do that. We humans do so much we don’t want to do out of guilt, fear, shame, and peer pressure. Over the years, I too have developed a code. That means you will always be welcomed warmly in my presence and I won’t participate in the PTA. Oops. Did I say that out loud? My feeling is that when that group has equal male and female members, I’ll join. Until then, hard pass. As a single parent, I only have time for so much.

After our deep thoughts and conversation over lunch, we made our way to Plymouth’s Long Beach. It was a perfect 10 of a beach day and I told him that I prefer this beach to those of Kaua’i. There’s a certain smell that beaches here have that is a part of my soul. “I once read something on Facebook that said ‘you have to start romanticizing your life’” I told Thomas, soaking in the perfection of the moment. “That kind of changed my life. I was in a rut of routine and suddenly my morning commute through Rockland became beautiful.” With that, all the couples and families walking along the shore became works of art to us, picture perfect souls; love and shared experience is a powerful force. A life not just examined but romanticized will be the overarching code I follow. What’s your code?

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