Tougher than the Rest

There are very few people in this world that I can say anything to and not be judged. That seems to be my bar, the measure by which I assess whether someone can be within the circle or not. The muddied mind needs listeners to absorb the chaos, the mess. I think that’s why dating again was so annoying. Again, I had to vet a partner. Someone who could see me pass out from exhaustion, etcétera, fart in my slumber, and not think me unpretty or unlovable. Who on earth would want to do that?

The first ones who embraced me in my new state were my family and friends. I had no idea what to do, where to go, and how it was all going to work. I was a mess, fresh from the streets of Kauai, with 3 kids and a dentally challenged schnauzer named Snip. I went on girls’ weekends that others paid for (I still owe them), took gifts when I had nothing to give back, and somehow made it to another side that was different. I couldn’t say “better” yet but was different. I found my feet through others shoes. My besties were my sounding board for all my crazy thoughts, my therapist too, and all of them made me laugh.

I don’t blame my ex-husband for the failure of our marriage and I can’t persist in anger, it’s not my style. Besides, we all know that there are two sides to every story. If he were the writer, I could be Ursula from Little Mermaid or, at best, Miranda from Sex in the City. The point is—hearts break, things unravel, and hearts mend. Before you know it, those hearts can spend Thanksgiving together with their new partners. Yes, my ex and his girlfriend joined me, Thomas, and about 15 others for turkey and pie and it was lovely. They brought the mashed potatoes and a gorgeous centerpiece. Civilized and pretty kickass we are, don’t you think?

Thomas and I are now true partners in crime, altruism, and everything in between. Figuring out our next move, together, consumes our thoughts and, due to the shit housing market, drives us crazy. We have had a few long days lately, ones that have felt heavier than usual. I have to remind myself frequently that we’re together today as a result of our own weathering through difficult storms and through those that held us up when we were at our weakest. The least we can do is be tough. There will come a day when we will argue about my always leaving cabinet doors open and his need to have things all tidied up. Until then, we’ll just keep being rough and ready for this love we share and forever thankful for the tough ones who loved us along our way to find it.