Well Done, Mama

I heard my alarm before the screech owl this morning, its whinnies floating on the soft belly of the crisp early morning air. Then Maire got up, then J.D., then Isaac. Today is J.D.’s first day of senior year, I drove him to the school early so that he could go to senior sunrise, a new tradition kids these days have dreamt up. He doesn’t have that license yet but boy is he ready, all we have to do is get the kid a car. Mist was rising from the town hall pond when we passed. “See, Hanson is pretty, isn’t it?” I said, breaking the silence as J.D. concentrated on the road. He takes operating heavy machinery quite seriously and I am thankful for that.

After getting all three off to school with eye rolls over pictures and quarrels over very frayed hemlines, I settled down on the couch with a nice warm cup of MUD/WTR. Save your money, it’s terrible. Check back with me at the end of the month to see if I’m super smart due to “functional mushrooms” like lion’s mane and cordyceps. Should I be capitalizing those now? I feel like the fungi have taken on a new superfood status and I think society has dictated that calls for larger letters to announce their presence. Why did I buy it? Coffee gives me the shakes and I’ve always been a little bit woo-woo. Also, I want to live my best life. Next up? Ceremonial cacao. Why? Because I heard it “opens your heart and lifts your spirit”. Who doesn’t need that I ask? “What are you going to do with your kid-free day?” Thomas texted. “I do not know.” I replied “Right now I have my space pants on and I have no intention of taking them off.” I began to relax my jaw for once.

Two sips deep into that warm, muddy drink, I looked at my phone—missed call from the middle school. Uh oh. “Hi, I have a missed call from the school. Is everything ok?” I asked nervously. “Oh yes, she forgot her Chromebook.” Of course she did. I changed out of my Walmart galaxy patterned stretch pants and got back in the car, MUD/WTR in my mug that says “OMG you guys, that’s not what I said!” with a pink depiction of Jesus rolling his eyes. Woo-woo with a sense of humor I am. Poor Mrs. Laferriere, she was on the phone and anxiously surrounded by both kids and adults in that main office. Back to school day is as jarring for the workers as it is for the kids and parents, bless them and maybe bring them treats every so often. That will be me next week and I am bracing myself. Back to school gives just about all of us whiplash, the least we can do is be gracious and gentle with one another.

Prior to the Chromebook mishap, I had had just enough time to send a text to J.D. complete with 18 photos, one with me, scared as hell, holding him on the first day after he was born. I can see the start of jaundice in his skin in that photo, my first freak out moment post-birth. “Always remember, I birthed you. You’re never going to be able to repay me for that but how about just crush your senior year and thank me later. Love you!!” I said. “I will just for you, I love you too” he responded, though I’m sure he’ll do it for his Dad too! He’s a good kid, he really is. Not perfect, mind you. For that I “spread manure” on his garden as Dad once so eloquently said about raising me as a child. I was a hothead at times, J.D. used to be much more of one. He’s calmer now, more mature. Manure works, I guess.

I decided to share a screenshot of my text to J.D. on Facebook with the caption “Don’t forget, Mamas, we’ve done a lot of growing up too.” I wasn’t trying to toot my own horn, I don’t think. I wanted to share the realization I had come to this morning after sharing photos of the kids online despite their protest and possibly a little because of it. I know, I probably should respect their wishes but I don’t print any photos these days and Facebook is the only way I remember any part of my life as a mother so there. So many Moms posting photos of kids getting bigger, their perimenopausal hearts skipping beats with every milestone they reach, mine included. We get lost in the before photos and, before you know it, we’re crying in our coffee (or MUD/WTR). “I blinked!” we all say. “What happened?” we ask. Then we pat our soft bellies, look in the mirror, and wonder when it was we got so old? I have grey hair. I mean, really grey. How did that happen?

Remember, ladies, we were once babies too. Just kids, we grew up and entered womanhood with all it comes with. It has never, ever, been easy for any one of us. On a constant learning curve, we adapt almost as quickly as we change because we have to. We’ve all dealt with shit, haven’t we? Mountains climbed, battles won, and battles lost, we have prepped these kids with everything we’ve got and more. And we’ve done it with comparison constantly trying to thieve our joy through scrolling on Facebook and the like, realizing just what we haven’t done or do that makes us wrong in new ways. I urge you, Moms, to stop for a minute today and any day and just marvel at how far you have come and how much you have grown. Though countless books have been written on parenting, no book was written on how to parent your kids except by you. We are all authors of our own stories and theirs, quietly preparing them to become authors too. Did I do enough? Did I raise them well? I should have made them eat more veggies when they were little. All the thoughts that go through our minds, tell them “shhhhhhhhh. enough now. enough.”

When Thomas asked what I was going to do today, I knew that it would obviously involve writing. I process everything through writing and sharing words. My hope is that, through sharing, I send a tiny ripple into at least one other person’s day and make it better. If I’ve done that, I’m serving some of my purpose as a human. Though I no longer have my galaxy pants on and that MUD/WTR was less than rewarding, I am calmer now that I have written, as if my day has been properly punctuated or something like that. Scribbling and then clicking away this morning, I have come to an important realization of a job that has been done well. I urge you to reach that same conclusion through whatever means you use to come to it. Smile when you look at yourself in the mirror and not that toothless smile kids do these days, give yourself a big grinny smile. You’re beautiful not just for how you look but what your body, mind, and spirit have achieved and will continue to achieve. Our sleepless nights have given way to early mornings with owls announcing the news and rising mist moistening our faces. If you sit quietly enough today you’ll hear those early fall crickets announcing September’s arrival, one of the most beautiful months in New England—beach worthy still. Now go do the thing that serves you best and bless the hours you get to rest. I’m going to trademark that line. You can put that on my headstone.

P.S. I wrote this piece after two cups of MUD/WTR and one glass of Morning Complete by Activated You. I have received absolutely no compensation for mentioning those products though I believe I should.

This one is for all of us: